Chapter 7

     Jonathan called me Monday just like he said he would. I didn't say much to him and when he asked if something was wrong, I said that it had been a long day at school and I had a lot of homework to do before going to work. He told me he'd let me go then and he'd call me on Tuesday. I felt bad for being short with him like that and making excuses, but I wasn't ready to talk to him yet. Everything that I'd found out about him from Alishia was still wreaking havoc in my brain.

     It hadn't gotten any better by Tuesday. Instead of calling me, Jonathan showed up at my work, just before I was taking my break. I was in the back room, retrieving my book bag when there was a knock on the door. Wondering why Terry would bother knocking before entering, I leaned over and opened the door. There was Jonathan, leaning against the frame, his trademark smirk on his face.

     "Hi beautiful. Miss me?"

     I stared at him for a moment before turning back to lift my bag over my shoulder, "What are you doing here Jonathan?"

     He walked into the room, "I thought I'd surprise you and come join you for your break."

     "Oh."  I motioned towards the door, "I'm just gonna go get something from the food court."

     He smiled, "Really?" He moved towards me, leaning in to whisper, "Thought maybe you'd like a different sort of break."

     I moved away from him and walked towards the door, "I just had half a sandwich for lunch and didn't get anything before I came to work, so I really need food."

     He watched me walk through the door into the store with a frown on his face. Neither of us said anything as we walked out of the store and headed towards the food court. I stopped at my favorite Chinese place and got a plate of beef with broccoli and a side of fried rice. Jonathan got a plate of  beef chow mein and a couple of egg rolls. He also paid for our food despite my grumbling a protest. I didn't wait for him to finish paying, instead, I walked away and found a table on the opposite side of the food court.

     He knew I was ignoring him. I could feel his eyes on me as I sat there, head lowered, concentrating on eating my food. He didn't touch his food, just sat and watched me. After a few moments of awkward silence, I stopped eating and turned to open my book bag. Pushing my plate to the side, I pulled out my government book and proceeded to read my homework chapter. Jonathan picked up his fork and took a bite of his food. He ate for a few minutes before the silence finally got to him.

     "Alex?"

     I didn't look up at him, but he saw the inclination of my head.

     "I thought you said you were hungry."

     I glanced at my plate for a moment before returning to the book. "Yeah, I have to study too."

     He frowned. "You should eat something. You can always study when you get home."

     I shrugged. "I have a lot of homework, not just this."

     "Alex," he said as he nudged my plate closer to me, "Eat something baby."

     I shut the book and stuffed it into the book bag before standing up and slinging it over my shoulder.  I looked at him before glancing at my watch. "I have to get back to work. I'll see you later Jonathan." I heard him say my name once more as I walked briskly away from him.  I was half way to the store when he'd caught up with me.

     Catching hold of my wrist, he turned me to face him, "Did I do something wrong?" he asked.

     I sighed, "I just have to get back to work."

     He frowned, "Then I'll wait for you to get off and I'll have something for you to eat, okay."

     I shook my head, "I can't. I have to get home. I really need to study."

     "It's just food Alex, you can eat it in your car."

     "Jonathan..."

     He interrupted me, "Can't I just have a few moments with you?"

     I looked up at him.  I could see it in his eyes, he wasn't buying my excuses. He knew something was up and I wasn't telling him what was wrong. But I couldn't. I wasn't ready to talk to him about this. I sighed. "I'm sorry Jonathan. I really can't tonight. Maybe tomorrow okay?" I backed away from him slowly, "I'll talk to you tomorrow."

     He didn't move, just stood there watching me walk away from him. His eyes silently begging me to talk to him. I turned away and slowly made my way back into the store.

     Later that night I lay on my bed staring up at my lavender ceiling thinking about everything Alishia had told me. I thought of the way I'd been treating Jonathan for the last two days since I had found out about him. I knew I was being unfair to him.  I knew I should give him a chance to explain why he'd kept all of that from me.

     If he knew who I was, why were there so many secrets. I thought about all the questions I'd had about him when I'd first gone out with him. Questions I'd told myself I'd ask him on that day we had gone to the flea market. Now more than ever, I wanted to know the answers, but knowing what I now knew, I found myself with even more questions.

     I sighed and rolled over onto my side. I knew he'd call me the next day, so I told myself that when he called I'd tell him that we had to have a serious talk.  I just hoped that he'd give me the answers. And I prayed that I hadn't made the biggest mistake of my life, in trusting him and giving him a part of myself that I could never get back.

     I answered my phone on the second ring with a "hello."

     "Talk to me beautiful." he pleaded.

     I closed my eyes at the sound of his voice, he'd called the next day, just like I knew he would. "Hi Jonathan."

     "Are you working tonight?"

     "Yes."

     "Can I join you for your break?"

     "I don't think that's a good idea, Jonathan."

     "Alex, please, tell me what's going on."

     "I will Jonathan. I think we should talk."

     Silence was my answer for a few moments, then softly, "When?"

     "I'm off Friday. Can I meet you somewhere after I get out of school?"

     "Friday?"

     "Friday."

     "It's Wednesday, Alex."

     "I know. I just don't have the time right now to talk to you." I hesitated before going on, "I just don't want to do this over the phone."

     "What are we supposed to do until Friday?"

     I sighed, "I have school, work, and studying to do."

     "And me? Am I just supposed to leave you alone?"

     "Yeah."

     "Alex..."

     "Jonathan, I promise, on Friday we'll talk, okay?"

     I heard him sigh, "Okay." There was another moment of silence, then, "Can you meet me at Archer Park? The one that's down the street from my apartment complex on Jester and Lexington?"

     "Yeah, that's a good place to meet. I'll be there about  4."

     "Okay, Friday, at  4."

     For the rest of the week I thought about everything I knew of Jonathan and everything I didn't. I thought of all the questions I wanted to ask him and wondered if he'd tell me the truth when I confronted him. Then again, I knew I wasn't telling him everything about my life.

     He knew I wanted something different, but I knew I was essentially hiding him from everyone I knew, like he was some dark secret no one was allowed to find out about. It wasn't that I didn't want anyone to know, I just knew what their reaction would be. Everyone except Alishia and maybe Sarah would look down on him and tell me I was making a mistake for seeing him.

     To add to my headaches, Mark was being a dick. He was forever parading whatever floozy he was currently seeing anywhere I'd be able to see. As if he was telling me that it could have been me on his arm. It made me want to puke sometimes, especially during their PDAs!  Once, when Sarah and I walked by Mark and his current floozy who were practically making out in a corner between the band hall and the stairs, I turned to Sarah and asked if I had ever been all over Mark like that.

     Sarah shook her head, "Nope. At least not to my knowledge. All I ever saw you do with Mark was hold his hand or give him a quick kiss. Nothing that blatant." She paused, "Of course, when you guys went to the club, he tended to grope a lot, but I don't remember you ever doing the groping."

     I laughed, "Maybe I always knew there wasn't anything worth groping."

     Sarah stopped walking and stared at me for a moment before bursting out laughing. A few students looked at her funny as they passed, but we ignored them.  She wiped tears from her eyes, "Aw girlfriend," she said as she tried to breathe again, "that was priceless!"

     I grinned as we continued walking towards the parking lot.

     "So, you ready to talk to Jonathan?" she asked.

     I shrugged, "As ready as I'll ever be I guess."

     She reached over and hugged me with one arm. "Just be straight with him Alex. From what you've told me he seems to be pretty direct and he did tell you to be truthful with him, right?" At my nod she went on, "Then tell him the truth about how you found out and what you found out about him. Hopefully he'll be cool about it and just tell you his reasons."

     I smiled, "Thanks Sarah."

     I was really glad that I had confided in her. I had thought of going back to Alishia and talking about it, but Alishia knew Jonathan, and I wanted to get someone else's opinion who didn't know him. I had been a little hesitant to talk to Sarah, but she told me that we were best friends and she'd always be there for me no matter what happened.

     We'd gotten together Thursday after school at her house and she'd listened as I got everything out. Once I was done, she'd pointed out that Jonathan had asked me to be honest with him so it was only fair that he do the same. She had really helped me to fix the clutter that had become my mind.

     As we arrived at my car, she turned to face me, "Alex, you do realize that you will probably have to tell him why you haven't introduced him to your family or friends, right."

     I slowly nodded, "Yeah, I know."

     "I'm just saying, you should be prepared for anything to happen. Since you are going to confront him with his past and all, it's just logical to think he'll turn around and do the same to you."

     I sighed, "I know. You're right. That's why I want to meet somewhere public. Just in case things get a little heated."

     She nodded, "Okay," she leaned in and gave me a hug, "good luck girlfriend. Call me after the talk if you need to regroup. No matter what time it is, deal?"

     I hugged her back, "Deal."

     She stepped back and smiled while I dropped my bag into the passenger seat and climbed in. I waved to her as I left the parking lot. She returned the wave as she walked to her own car.

     I made it to the park in good time. Once I found a parking space, I looked at my watch and saw that I had several minutes to spare. I sighed and closed my eyes gathering my courage up.  Once I was ready, I got out of the car and walked towards the park, eyes searching for that familiar face.

     Just when I thought maybe I was there earlier than Jonathan, I finally saw him. He was getting up from a swing he'd been sitting in, waiting for me. He took a few steps towards me then stopped as he noticed me walking towards him.  I moved to the swing next to the one he had been on and sat down. He sat back down on his swing and turned to look at me. I watched as a hesitant smile spread, then faded as he realized I wasn't returning the smile.

     He looked away as he asked, "Will you tell me what's wrong now?"

     I nodded, "You once told me to be honest with you. I have a question to ask and I want you to be honest when you answer."

     He looked at me and nodded, "Of course."

     I looked down at my hands for a moment before looking back at him, "Who are you, really?"